Monday, November 30, 2009

Well, let me tell you!!!

It's a dark Monday here, I hear snow is in the forcast - have not seen it yet, but it's on it's way - and guess what I get to drive through tonight then - at 10, when it's dark!! YUCK!!! I won't be home till close to 11 - I start work at 5 this evening. Last week, I was done between 7 & 8 - great hours!! Tonight, I start my yucky hours - BUT - I am not complaining!! Today, because of my paycheck on Friday - I have started my 'moving on out' fund. And payed off some of my credit card plus put some on our line of credit.
When I started working, I figured, I would put my money towards my credit card and the line of it, but now, I have another priority to consider, so the line, only gets a little.......

Have we talked??? Are you kidding?!!?? We don't do that!!! So, it's where it was left the last post - and I am just doing what I am doing to start my life over. With or without the people I have in it now. I can not think of that - I am just going to keep on making my plans and move forward. I am listening to my CD's on the way to work - 'How to win Friends and Influence People" and "Think and Grow Rich". Each of these say, you have to have a dream, a goal and a passion. Right now, I am working on my goals, looking for my dream, and am praying I will get passion back. So - one point made to me by that voice of wisdom that talks to me while I drive - one habit I have is not finishing....... And that is a very bad habit to have created!!! So, one of my goals is to change it to finishing.
I have this habit in all I do!!! I only partly read a book - before I'm done I find something else to read that catches my eye!!
And my sewing projects!!!???!!! oh, common!!!!!!! Proof postive that I am not one to work out a project to the end - and that is a real problem. Take just a few minutes ago for example. Remember Bonnie Hunters mystery she had in the 'Quiltmaker" magazie??? Well, I thought, I have some time, lets work on the last step......... I couldn't find it!!!!!! And that is when I hit me square in the face. Girl, if you want to have a life full of fun and laughter, joy and exploration, you have got to get your **** together!!!!!

So, my goals???? Evey check - 25% is going to my new fund. It's not a fund I want to have to make, but I have to do it. I am done. I am so done. And I am outta here.

And, I am not taking this mess of projects with me. I will need things to warm me. Things for my walls. And I have alot of them 1/2 done. If I am serious about getting my life in order, creating a life I want to live, then I have to start sticking to my plans, creating my dreams and reaching my goals.

I also had a nice little 'you go girl' when I checked my lottery tickets today. I won $56!! Paid for my gas to get to work and that was a very nice surprise!!! It didn't have to come from my paycheck!! And that was alright by me!!

So, just to let you know, I have found my sewing room again!!! That feels good. Things on the home front haven't changed, but I have!! And this girl is going to keep moving forward, and I will be having fun while I learn and grow (rich!!!).

Have a great week!!!!

Monday, November 23, 2009

not good

Hello. I went to the movies on Friday - New Moon, for my daughters 18th birthday. 18 is the legal age here in Alberta, my little girl is now an adult. Hmmmmm...

Not a good last few days. I had a great day on Thursday - I should not have come home. I came bearing surprises and treats - not big things, just little snacky type things, foods for lunch the next day, and.........

I think my life is going to change. What do I mean 'think', it has. My then still 17 yr old fell down the stairs - I jumped up to make sure she was okay, it souned like she really got hurt. Well, I got told where to go and basically how to get there. Guess that means she's okay - but being the mom I am, I waited a bit to go check on her again. What a bitch I am. Well, I found out on Thursday night, I am a horrible mother. Not from my daughter, from my drunk husband. That is aways fun to come to - but I guess that our marriage is over and we are done. He's keeping the girls and I can leave or he will.

I will go.

And now, a few days later, - you know what, it just doesn't matter anymore. 20 years we've been together, and now, I don't care anymore. Since I am such a horrible mother - I just want out. Yeah, I have kids who are in gangs (yeah right), never home (wrong again), I never know where they are and the friends they hang out with are all trouble (oops, try that I always know where they are and their friends are great). What a horrible mother I have been. My temper is what classifies me as such a terror. Yes, this is true. I do have a temper and when pushed, I do loose it sometimes. BUT - I have never hidden this fact. EVER. When I do something wrong, I am the first to admit it. What a bitch.

So, I am working on the how to's to leaving. We are not finacially able to have me up and go, and my thing is, where do I go??

It's funny to think about leaving you know. I have already been thinking what is coming with me. Weird things - the fish are mine. And what I don't care if I have or not. My books, some are coming with me - they are mine. Scatterd thoughts right now.
And how to support myself out there. My biggest thought is I do not want to be anywhere near here. I want to be long gone. So, this is my life right now. And no, I have not been creative in any real sense of the word, but I do have to clean up my sewing room. In boxes. This is so sur-real. Did I even spell that right???

That why I needed the laugh Myra. Thanks again. Oh, and I was already shopping for Christmas - I was in such a great place on Thursday................ how things can change.
sorry for this horrible post.

Friday, November 6, 2009

My Second Day off in Row!!

I just updated my book reading list. Me, who used to read a book in a couple days, now hardly reads a full book at all! But, I have been, and it feels good!!!
I found this book in my librarys book sale, it's an older book, but I liked it. "The Cay" is an easy read, actually, I found out, it was a high school book for some kids to read!! Easy one for taking with me to read over luch or coffee breaks at work. It's a story about a boys experiance during the second world war, finding himself stranded on a very small island in the ocean when his boat had been sunk. He and a black man - and how he survived. I liked it.

The next book, one that a woman recommended as she went through the till - (I shouldn't work at Costco!!!!) - "Still Alice" by Lisa Genova. Wow. Powerful book. It is written from the persepective of a woman who has just found out she has Alzheimer's. And it is written very well, I laughed and felt for this woman. I just really enjoyed the book. My Aunt had Alzheimer's, but I was not around to see it's effects. No one I know personally has it, that I know of, but this sure put a good perspective on it for me to learn from.

I need to go sew now, to get my BOM done. I can actually go to the class - I don't work till hours later, so I have time to have fun and work that day!! Yeah!!!

And a fish update - they are doing well!! I am still so p,ease that these guys survived. I do not want this to happen again!! I love having an aquarium!!
Monday is my next day off - talk to you then!!!