Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Dec. 29

I have to get ready to get to work. I didn't realize yesterday, but today putting my hours on the calander here at home - next week, I am working till 10 at night, and leaving here by 2:30 ish. Meaning, I will not see my kids. I leave before they get home from school, and am home at 11 at night.
Not happy. Not happy at all. During Christmas rush, okay, but not now. Not now. I am just a cog in the machine and - I am frustrated. Very frustrated. Every one there, who realizes how far I drive to get there, tells me I'm crazy!! They think their 15 minute comute is long!!
I actually have been enjoying the drive. I listen to audio books and it's nice. BUT, I do not like drivng at night, and now that it's January, real winter weather will be here soon - and I should not complain. Reality is, I need the job right now. I want to phone in sick today - I am just tired. Really tired. And part of me is going "NO!! Do not do it!!!!!" The other part, the evil part is egging me on.......... "Who's gonna care?? They won't even miss you. You are just a number" Well, it's true. Crap!

I am finding myself a place to be that pays me well, to do things I enjoy and work with people who matter to me and I matter to them. And lets me have time with my family - that has been missing too. I have not had a real meal with them since I started this job in Oct. When I am home on a day off, I am tired. Tired! I am so tired of being tired. It makes me emotional, frustrated, angry and I cry at the drop of a hat. Oh, how mature is that????

Like one day, I went in to work, and found myself early, and that was enought to make me cry. You can't start till your start time, so I wandered around the store for a few minutes, feeling - stupid, useless, just all those bad feelings. If I had been there on time, I would have just got busy working - but no, I had to be early. Went to the washroom and burst into tears. I could not stop crying!!! I walked out, didn't even try to hide the tears, how could I??? They wouldn't stop, and asked if I could just go home?? She said yes, so I left. And went to a green house and walked around it for an hour. No real plants, christmas stuff yes, and large trees but I finally, after the hour, didn't have tears coming down my face.

I am phoning in. I am spending the day with my family.

And I am looking for another job.


  1. You go for it girl! If anyone can do it, you can. I'm not exaggerating when I say you are my inspiration.

    I worked retail for almost 10 years for the same company. I don't think I would have lasted that long if I had not had different positions in the store. I started out as a cashier, worked in cosmetics for awhile, became the file maintenance clerk (order entry and price changes), bookkeeper, and then floor supervisor. It was the floor supervisor position that did me in and the fact that I had a two-year old and a baby. I couldn't stand the inconsistent schedule and, especially, on some days closing and then having to open the next morning.

    I worked part-time retail jobs since, but it's a very tough life even part-time. I don't know how my sister does it. She's an assistant manager at WalMart. She has her moments, especially during the holidays and when she has to let people go, but she has the "balls" for her position and seems to be thriving. I'm too much of a people pleaser to be in management.

  2. Oh Brenda... I feel for you... Is there maybe a job closer to home with better hours that you might enjoy better, cause this Costco job does not sound like it is working for you at all...