Change.... hmmmm

I thought I would start this post with picture of my "working goldfish". I am going to let you get to know a little bit about me in this post - who I am. Who I keep hidden. Who I just don't talk about in my 'real' life. Why? Well, I feel safe here, I don't feel judged. And if you don't like it, don't read. And that made me laugh because I am not writing or planning to write any deep dark secrets!!! I am just going to talk about my new goals, the ones that I really want to work on - and they are not quilt/hobby related. They are the life changing type things - habits that I really want to create, ones that I really want to loose!! Now, come meet my fish!!



No, they don't have names, but this is one of those things where people look at me like "what???". These are my 'working goldfish' because, they earn their holiday all winter living in the house, by spending all summer living in my rain barrels outside. I do not feed them, maybe a couple days when I first put them out, but after that, they are on their own. They eat whatever comes to the water, so it helps with mosquitos and any other critter that needs water to survive. And they do great!! I have done this for years - and I usually don't loose more than one, if that. They are the feeder fish, the ones that people buy to feed other fish live food with.



Last year we took down the falling apart deck, so what I used to use my water for - all my plants and trees, well, they are no more. Hubby took all my grass and trees and got rid of them!! He now has his 5th wheel parked in my yard instead..... but it's okay!!! But I am not sure now, how many barrels I really need....



Yes, I love collecting rain water and just don't see why more people don't!! And each barrel holds a fish, sometimes 2. And you can always tell is someting has happened to the fish that lived in that barrel - if the water is not clear on top, then the fish is dead, get another one. And it always surprises me how big these fish have gotten spending the summer in the barrels!!!

Okay, a little more about the barrels themselves. They are all connected together with garden hoses and that way I can use the water knowing I am not draining a barrel. Even if I do drain them (have done that by accident a couple times) where the hose is connected (near the bottom) it is high enought that the fish have enough water to survive a few days. But this is something I do not test!! I was so happy it rained the next day! And having them connected means they all fill up at the smae time!! If I lived in the 'real' country, meaning not in a small town in the country, I would have rain barrels all over all connected together (and drive my hubby nuts!! lol!!) So, this is one habit I love, and people ask me where I go this idea from.... I thought of it myself I guess. It just made sense to me one day, why wouldn't this work and it does!!! And it's one of my DD's favorite thing to do in the fall taking the fish out of the rain barrels!! Then, they get to live in my aquarium, and get fed, until it's time for them to go outside again!!



One thing I need to change? Finaces. We are not poor, but we certainly are broke - again. This is not funny. So, this habit of spending more than we earn, needs to change - NOW!!!! We should not be here, we just should not be here again........ Crap. And this is something I do not want people to know. That money is something I still don't have a good handle on. And by now, I should. Period. I read about money and the how-to's ALL the time, and nothing is sticking in my little head. Well, it is, but it's not just me spending...... no blame here though. I get fed up and just stop caring (I sometimes feel like I am fighting a loosing battle and just stop caring.......)

This is something I do not need my neighbors to know. I also don't want them thinking that we are loaded either, but they do. How do I make people see ....... You know what, people are going to decided that they are right no matter what I say, and yes, they could point out the reason's why they think we are doing okay.... we do have some new things, but we also have the payments that go along with them, and I just can't always seem to make the money strech enough to cover these payments............



So, we are talking (finally) about our finaces. But, my question is, will this talking continue or will it stop once this tight spot is fixed????? If it is like 'normal' - once we get this out of the way, so will the talking about how not to be here anymore. I sometimes feel like I am doing everything on my own........ and I can't stop spending what I didn't know was spent.



Another habit I want/am changing??? I am going to start exercising and doing it daily. When I wrote I was walking a mile a day, I stopped!!!! I need to do this for a few reasons, one being - I can not fit into my jeans anymore. So, I am wearing sweats...... yuck!! Yes, they are comfy, but they are so unattrative and really do not make you want to leave the house. I started to gain weight slowly, then I just ignored it, but now, I have realized, I can either change my food habits back to where my jeans fit or I can just keep eating things I know will make me gain, and go back to my size 14. NO!!!!! I am not going up. I am going back to my jeans and making them fit - by April I want to be wearing them again. And this means making a public annoucment here - I have to get myself moving and grovin' and wiggling my butt and not eating things that I know will just make me want to eat more. Sugar is very bad for me. So, no coffee, sugar, salt, chocolate or alchol. Yes, I have been drinking coffee again, and then I want something sweet, only a little something, then shortly after I want to eat something, and why not have another coffee - with cream you know!! Can't have coffee without cream!! So, today, while I looked at the coffee pot, I walked into my room and walked a mile. And realized - March is almost here. I can fit into my jeans by April if I just changed my habit of not exercising..... So, I will do my walk daily, and it won't be hard. And my walk will become 2 miles, then 3 some days..... I can and will do this. Oh, you want to meet me?? Here I am. Been nice talking to you.